deleted off facebook it was about time, im going home soon and getting on with my life

should have known i would end up seeing them before i left, thought my heart was gonna break all over again, but it didn’t i held my head high and kept my distance and im okay and i got to say goodbye to some important people today and those i havnt had chance to say goodbye to im sorry and ill miss you

so uni is over had my last exam today, and in a few days ill be leaving here for good. Some people may see it as running away but its not, i havnt been around because it wasn’t healthy for me. Ive tried so hard to make everything right again but i can’t i messed up yeah but others messed up too yet im to blame. so much shit has happened in my last few months of uni well this term really i lost a lot and got punished a lot. but tbh i guess that was my karma for making a mistake, i wish i had walked away from certain things and tried harder with others. and the people who have made me feel so low ive wanted to and have hurt myself, made me feel so worthless and not want to be here any more, well one of these days karma will get you, what goes around comes around. i get to move back home permanently and move on with my life and start the next chapter and things will be better. there is definatley people i am going to miss so much and ill try keep in touch and those who truly care will keep in touch with me, and those that don’t then i guess i realise who people really are……

but for now im relaxing in my now very empty uni room and watching stuff… home soon

weird thing is i still dont hate you, i hate what you did to me, how you made me feel and how you hurt me. but i don’t hate you. id forgive everything if we were to go back to when things were great were things were almost perfect. but its not going to happen. yes i want to hurt you but still i dont hate you

this week is exams and a lot of goodbyes then home again to start the next chapter of my life…

Weirdly enough, i actually let someone in from  back home, brought up a lot of old feelings and such….. but im not gonna let myself get to attached again ive seen were that ends up…

Life goes on back there, like i never even existed like i was never there. Not long now and ill be done completely back there. I like being home, its safe. 

Yet i cant escape the feelings for people back there, and will never stop caring for the people back there, no matter how unwelcome i felt. I miss them all everyday but it wasn’t healthy for me there. ive been home a matter of weeks and i feel better already, ive been more focused on my work and me.

i miss you all :( but im doing ok in case you wanted to know 

…… so i messed up worse then before i broke completely. some people will see what ive done as running away, but i see it as escaping. ive done this to help me, as staying as proven bad for my health. i won’t be coming back to boro except to collect my stuff and sit my exams.

im sorry to those i have hurt, i just want them to remember im still here for them. 

im gonna get myself better but atm im not right.

see things are never like they are in movies, things never go the way you want. i need to let go, completely. its over and done now. 

Tears finally hit like a tonne of bricks :-(